If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
