How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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