I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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