Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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