Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
