I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ladies don't puke and tell
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
