Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Damn victory sex feels great
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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