i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
