Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
