PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
