there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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