Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
