Im at strip club and am horny
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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