you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
