why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Life is so much better after having sex.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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