its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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