Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
