I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize