I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
