just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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