it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
