Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
