Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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