I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
