I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
