Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
