Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
