The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
