sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
