he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize