hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
