My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
