evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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