I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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