Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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