Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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