I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
