Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
