I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
