is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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