I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
