i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
