I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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