Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Still dying that you shit outside
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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