we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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