So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
