Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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