Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
