I bet he comes in French.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
