i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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