i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
