You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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