before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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