what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
