I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
