You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
