i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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