Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We were destined to go to rehab together
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
