No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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