Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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