You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
