I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
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all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize