It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
