I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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