he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
