Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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