K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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