Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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