Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You left your phone here
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