my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
