My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
