Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
