When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my being single is dangerous.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
