i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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