So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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