Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Your penis caused this!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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